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CAN 36 questions make two strangers fall in love?

It’s been billed as the ultimate matchmaker, more powerful than Perfect Match, Tinder and eHarmony rolled in together.

A 1997 intimacy study by psychologist Arthur Aron was designed to test whether closeness can be created between two vulnerable, single strangers.

It worked for Aron. Two of his test subjects ended up getting married.

Fast forward 20 years and Aron’s love quiz has gone “viral’’ after New York Times columnist Mandy Len Catron recently revealed she fell in love after taking it.

According to Australian sexologist and relationship expert, Dr Nikki Goldstein, it can take you just an hour to decide if you want to form a relationship with someone.

“If you’re really looking at passionate love, that ‘can’t live without you love’, you can tell in an hour whether there is something worth pursuing.”

So, The Courier-Mail decided to put the 36 questions to the test.

Brisbane’s Jamie Wood and Adelaide Timbrell were the two singles who decided to give love a chance.

Wood, a 26-year-old sales manager, and Timbrell, a 21-year-old retail analyst, have been single for several months, have never been on a blind date before and were equally keen to try something new.

They were complete strangers until we put them in a room together ...

Did Aron’s test work for them? (Scroll to the bottom to see all the questions)

Jamie’s experience

Pre-test

I feel a bit nervous. I have never done anything like this before. I just would like to meet someone who can hold a conversation. If there’s someone that can fill in the blanks or just be able to hold a conversation, that would be great.

Meeting each other for the first time

As I walked into the room to meet Adelaide, I was mostly thinking about the actual test. I did notice she was very good looking and I did make a joke. I said: “Sorry I’m not better looking.” She didn’t find that funny, so that was a bit worrying for me. I like someone I can joke with.

The 36 questions

I relaxed a lot more as the test went on but she did seem to give short answers. I felt like I spent most of the time talking. For me, it’s easier opening up to a stranger. It’s like a therapist. There were some questions I didn’t have answers to because I’ve never really thought about that stuff, especially the goals. If I have a goal, I like to make sure it’s accomplished quite quickly.

We also spoke about our worst experiences. For me, that was my best friend dying but she couldn’t give me one bad experience. Instead she spoke about her parents still being together and how they put her through school and how they’re travelling to Hawaii … she hasn’t really had any bad experiences she said. It didn’t feel like she gave too much away.

What happened after

We spoke a little bit the night after on Facebook. I was surprised she sent me a friend request because she got out pretty quickly after the test and didn’t seem to really want to talk to me. We have not spoken since our Facebook chat.

Adelaide’s experience

Pre-test

I’m feeling a little bit apprehensive but pretty good. I’m not sure what to expect but an instant turn-off for me is probably boardshorts as pants. That’s my number one, worst ever thing. Also, people who are really stubborn in their opinions and aren’t open to new things. For me, it’s really just about if you have a connection with someone.

Meeting each other

I was a little bit nervous before he came into the room. The first thing he said to me actually made me feel less comfortable. He said: “Sorry I’m not better looking.” That made me feel really awkward.

The 36 questions

We got more comfortable with each other as the interview went on. One of the questions that I liked as a way to get to know Jamie was to share a personal problem, ask for advice and reflect on how you felt. It showed emotional intelligence and whether the person is willing to make an effort about how you’re feeling. The hardest question for me was the saddest memory you have. If something bad happens, I forget about it or make it a small part of my life. It was hard for me to look back on things and think about when I have been sad. It’s something I block out immediately. I like talking about things that are real — what you want and what you like and your values. Starting to delve into things that have happened to you or hurt you, that’s different. They’re things that people can use against you. People can’t use your hopes and dreams against you.

What happened after

I added him on Facebook to say thanks for treating me well throughout the day. We had the one conversation on Facebook and nothing really since.

The verdict

Jamie: You could tell pretty early on that we weren’t going to be compatible. One example is sport — she hates it. I’m heavily involved in motorsport and love to watch sport on the weekend, but she said she couldn’t think of anything worse. The other indicator was that she didn’t seem to have as many life experiences or similar ones. With our worst experiences, I need people around me who understand those things. I think the test shows you early on whether you’re compatible or not. It shows you the truth. I don’t think we’ll see each other again. I wasn’t looking for a relationship anyway and we don’t have enough in common. She seemed nice, but being her friend isn’t something that I want to invest time into. I knew it wasn’t going to work.

Adelaide: Overall, as the test went on, it became clear that we weren’t compatible. First of all, we have really different interests. One of his main ones was motorsports which is not something I have a really big interest in. Also, it’s just our life experiences. I really value education and more abstract things but he’s more of a practical, go out and do it person. Rather than something that makes people fall in love, this test just makes you feel more comfortable and accelerates intimacy. I would predict we will keep living our lives as we were, but I’m not against becoming friends with Jamie. But I don’t think he’s looking for friends. I think he’s looking for romance and I’m not the person to provide that.

THE QUESTIONS

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

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